Sometimes I get angry at God.
I don’t mean to.
It’s not something I’m proud of, and it’s not something that I like to admit. There seems to be a stigma that comes from admitting something like this. It makes me feel silly. There is the logical side of me that knows that it’s ridiculous for me to look up at the sky and shake my fist like a three-year old who just discovered he or she is not going to get to go to McDonald’s, but the emotional side (yes I do have one of those) doesn’t care.
I get angry when I hear about people better than me who have it a lot worse than I do. I get angry when I hear about people who serve God faithfully dyeing before they even reach middle age. I get angry when I hear about children in other parts of the world who are born into a life of slavery, abuse, and other practices that make me want to throw up when I hear about them. I get angry when people die of cancer, good families lose their homes, bad people get rich, children lose their parents, and parents lose their children. I’m tired of every square inch of this world being at war with every other square inch.
So is God.
I’m not one of those people who are OK with cliché and trite answers to life’s big problems. If I had a roll of quarters for every time I heard the statement, “When ever God closes a door he opens a window,” I would not own any quarters because I would throw them at the head of who ever it was that said it to me. With that being said here are some realizations I have come to when it comes to me being angry at God.
1) I am immature. There is no other explanation for shaking my fist at the ultimate creator of the universe other than the fact that I need to grow up. If I was God I would have blown me up a long time ago based on all of the self-righteous hissy fits I have thrown. I never seem to remember that when I’m blaspheming his holiness while I’m going down the road though. Just goes to show that I want justice, but I really only want it for everyone else.
2) If it makes me angry imagine what it makes God. If I have learned anything about God from scriptures it’s that injustice makes him angry. Want an example? Read any of the prophets in the OT I suggest this one. It’s dangerous territory to suggest to God that I am somehow more aware of what is going on in this world then he is. Maybe one day I will be mature enough to be angry with God instead of being angry at God.
3) God can handle it. When my six month old son get’s mad at me he does a couple of things. First he scrunches his face up so that it looks like a rotten jack o lantern. Then he takes a deep breath, and then he screams until his face turns red. This usually happens when I take something from him that he is playing with. Now granted, I am taking it from him because it’s probably not good for him to play with i.e. the butter knife that he grabbed off of the dining room table and proceeded to swing around when I turned my back for three seconds. You know what I do when he does rotten jack o lantern face? I get aggravated because he is screaming at me, but then, I pick him up and comfort him. Why?! He’s being a jerk! I’m doing what’s best for him! I pick him up, because I can handle him screaming, but he can’t. When I take something from him, in his limited view, that’s the worse thing in the world. I can handle my son being angry at me because I can see and understand more than he can at this moment in his life. If keeping him healthy and safe means having him angry at me for a little while then so be it.